So close
by Gabriela Sylar
Summary: Au were Janeway and Chakotay decided to go further in their relationship during the episode Resolutions, but separate after returning to Voyager, just to discover that the destiny had other plans for them.
1. Chapter 1

Captain Janeway came back to her empty cabin after another almost endless beta shift; the halls were almost empty at the time and the light on night mood, but still almost at full power so that a certain talaxian crew member could sleep. As she entered her cabin she left the lights low, and headed to the replicator.

"Coffee, black" she said getting closer to the replicator on the wall

The last three days had been maratonic, and since Chakotay and her had returned from their search for a cure on New Earth they were trying to catch up to everything that happened on the Voyager and the paperwork was almost endless, she sipped some coffee and sat on her sofa to continue reading the report of the science department, yes the department reports seemed to breed faster than tribbles.

Ten minutes passed and still she couldn't bring herself to concentrate on the scanners of the science lab, or in the fact that Bélanna had asked three times now for someone to clean the Jeffries tubes, all she could think about was her first officer… really inappropriate thoughts about him.

Their time on New Earth made her realize that she was more than a little in love with Chakotay and that his desires and feelings matched her own, they were in paradise. No ranks, no regulations, nothing stopping them .

Until they were brought back to reality, she would always be the captain, completely committed to her crew and her ship, and he would always be the maquis first officer, committed to his work and his friends.

"We should pretend that what we had on New Earth never happened" She had said once they were on board.

"Katherine I can't pretend we are nothing, you know I love you and…"

"Chakotay, we have no other choice, as the captain I can't be in a relationship with another officer"

And he had left, hurt clear in his brown eyes, they stopped talking and spending time together, she would see him arrive to the holodeck with Harry Kim and Tom Paris, sometimes they were accompanied with their Klingon officer, it hurt too much just to see him smile, knowing he wasn't smiling to her…

Then she started feeling dizzy, was the ship under attack or… She didn't have time to think about it, she ran towards the bathroom and in seconds she lost her dinner.

Maybe she was still sick.

The best choice was sickbay, once she regained control of her body she slowly cleaned herself and headed towards the door.

Once she arrived in sickbay the doctor materialized in a corner.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency" he said "Captain? Is something wrong?"

"You are the doctor, you tell me"

She hopped on to a bio bed and looked to the door, for her luck the place was completely empty.

"Well, according to my readings there´s nothing wrong" The doctor said holding his tricorder next to her lower abdomen.

"Then why was I dizzy?" she asked more confused than ever.

"Well that is because you are pregnant"

Pregnant…

Shit

And Chakotay was the only man with who she…

Double shit

She was pregnant and Chakotay was the father.


	2. Let me help

When Katherine came back to consciousness she was still in sickbay, but the doctor was gone. Kes was right there by her side, her bright eyes fixed on the captain's belly.

"Captain, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I heard what the doctor said, those are wonderful news. Do you know who the father is?" The ocampa said.

"Yes, but I would prefer to keep it as a secret until I tell him."

Kes nodded before leaving her alone.

Shit.

What was she going to do? Alone in the delta quadrant with nowhere but a dangerous starship as a home and a long way towards her real home…

A baby was a lot of responsibility and compromise, and even now she wouldn't allow herself to love Chakotay, yes, she knew he could help her trough the pregnancy and probably he would fill the emptiness in her soul, that part of her that longed to be loved and accepted, but she was the captain, and she had to keep the discipline on her ship.

Someday she would have to tell him. She couldn't keep it as a secret.

But not today, she thought.

The day was boring at best, not even a nebula to entertain the science team, and she was miserable, it was weird to sit right next to Chakotay without telling him, so she hid the rest of the shift in her office.

Until Tuvok found her.

"Captain, I thought you could use some company" The Vulcan said, offering her a cup of tea. Shit, he knew

"Who told you?"

"Neelix is organizing a party for you in holodeck two"

"Well, I guess the cat is out of the bag" she said resigned to her fate, at least now she wouldn't have to tell the crew

"Captain, Is there a feline on board the ship?" Tuvok asked looking around.

"It's a human expression. Do you know if commander Chakotay was invited to this party?"

"Yes, as everyone else on board the ship"

Apparently fate hatted her.

Before the "surprise" party started she had to tell Chakotay, before he started to suspect of the child's parents.

"I have to go"

She almost ran to her first officer's cabin, and she entered, knowing Chakotay never locked his door. He was sitting on the floor, apparently meditating, so she turned to leave.

"When were you going to tell me" He asked he seemed hurt by her actions "Kathy, you know I would never fail you"

"You know nothing can happen between us, the child won't change it, I am the ship´s captain and I have responsibilities"

"I want to help" Chakotay said walking towards her and gently toucher her hands "Please, let me help"

"I can do this alone" She replied, but she didn't know if she said it to convince Chakotay or herself

"You don't have to do it alone"

And she couldn't keep saying no to him, she couldn't resist any longer.

All the tension of the last days made itself present and suddenly, she started to cry. And he hugged her, making the entire world disappear, all her problems faded away. Only the two of them existed. And soon they would be three.


End file.
